Jealous, Petty, Competitive: Are Women Wired for Crab Mentality?
You’ve probably heard the saying “women are their own worst enemies” or seen the way media loves to portray so-called catfights. Gossip columns, movies, and even workplace chatter often reinforce the idea that women are quick to tear each other down. The stereotype is that women are more prone to “crab mentality” than men.
But is that really true?
Crab mentality comes from the image of crabs in a bucket. When one crab tries to climb out, the others pull it back down — ensuring no one escapes. In human terms, it describes people who undermine others instead of celebrating their success. The attitude goes: “If I can’t have it, neither can you.”
It’s a striking metaphor, but for some reason, society tends to attach it to women more than men.
So the question is: why?
Are women inherently more jealous or insecure? Or is something deeper going on?
The closer we look, the clearer it becomes: women did not “develop” crab mentality naturally. They were placed inside a men’s world — a system designed around scarcity, competition, and patriarchy — that conditioned them to pull one another down instead of lifting each other up.
What Is Crab Mentality in Psychology?
In psychology, crab mentality connects to social comparison theory (Leon Festinger). People evaluate themselves by comparing to others, and when another person’s success highlights our shortcomings, it can trigger envy or even sabotage.
For women, this effect is amplified. Unlike men, who are often admired for ambition and healthy competition, women are pressured to compete in subtler — and often more destructive — ways.
The Scarcity Trap: Competition in a World Built by Men
History is a good place to start. For centuries, women were locked out of education, politics, and financial independence. Leadership positions? Mostly reserved for men. Property ownership? Largely denied to women. Even today, women face fewer leadership opportunities, wage gaps, and steeper promotion barriers.
This scarcity changes everything. When there are only a few spaces open for women — in a boardroom, a political party, or even in society’s approval — then women aren’t competing with men. They’re forced to compete against each other.
That’s not accidental. That’s how the men’s world was designed. Scarcity fuels rivalry, and rivalry makes crab mentality almost inevitable.
The Validation Economy: Competing for Approval
Traditionally, men have been judged by what they do — careers, achievements, wealth. Women, however, have long been judged by how they appear — beauty, youth, desirability, and their success in “landing” a good partner.
This created what we might call the validation economy.
It’s a system where women are constantly measured and ranked, not just by men but also by each other, because survival often depended on it. Society taught women to compete for the same limited sources of validation: who’s the prettiest, the youngest, the most desirable, the best mother.
And when worth is reduced to these narrow categories, crab mentality isn’t surprising. If another woman’s beauty, career, or relationship success feels like a threat to your own status, the instinct is to pull her down rather than cheer her on.
But let’s be clear: women didn’t invent this validation economy. Men did.
Internalized Rivalry: Patriarchy’s Script
Over time, these patterns became internalized. Women began to see each other through the lens of scarcity, competition, and suspicion.
We see it in workplaces with queen bee syndrome — female leaders who distance themselves from other women instead of mentoring them. We see it in families where mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law clash rather than connect. We see it in friendships where jealousy replaces solidarity.
These behaviors don’t come out of nowhere. They are scripts authored by patriarchy and passed down through generations.
Pop culture reinforces them constantly. How many films and TV shows — often created by men — depict women fighting over a man, tearing each other down over beauty, or undermining each other to get ahead? Rarely do we see women portrayed as collaborators or allies in change.
Over time, women start to believe the script. Rivalry begins to feel natural. One woman’s success looks like another woman’s loss. Unity feels impossible.
Who Really Benefits From Women’s Rivalry?
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: crab mentality among women doesn’t actually benefit women at all. It benefits men.
When women are distracted by tearing each other down, they have less energy to challenge the structures that hold them all back. When women view one another as threats, they lose sight of the real opponent: the patriarchal systems that restrict them collectively.
It’s like a magician’s trick. While the audience (women) fights over the spotlight, the magician (patriarchy) keeps pulling the strings behind the curtain.
Crab mentality isn’t just a stereotype — it’s a distraction. A convenient narrative that keeps men in control.
Are Men Immune to Crab Mentality?
Of course not. Men also experience envy, rivalry, and sabotage. Politics, corporate backstabbing, and power struggles are full of male crabs.
But here’s the key difference: when men compete, society frames it as ambition, strategy, or healthy rivalry. When women compete, it’s dismissed as jealousy, cattiness, or drama.
So patriarchy doesn’t just create the conditions for crab mentality among women — it also cements the stereotype that women are uniquely guilty of it.
Breaking the Cycle: From Rivalry to Solidarity
The good news is that crab mentality isn’t destiny. It’s not an unchangeable female trait. It’s a behavior shaped by context, and contexts can be changed.
The first step is awareness. Women need to recognize that their rivalries are often manufactured by a world that profits from their division.
The second step is solidarity. Actively mentoring, supporting, and celebrating other women’s success is one of the most radical ways to rewrite the script.
When women move from “If I can’t have it, neither can you” to “If you rise, I rise too,” the whole system starts to shift.
And let’s be honest: men also need to play a role. After all, they built many of the structures that forced women into scarcity and competition in the first place. Dismantling crab mentality isn’t just women’s work — it’s society’s work.
The Real Crabs in the Bucket
So are women truly more prone to crab mentality than men? Or are they simply responding to a world that left them little choice but to battle over crumbs?
The answer is clear: women didn’t design the bucket. They didn’t ask to be shoved inside it. They didn’t set the rules that pit them against each other.
Men did.
Which means the solution isn’t telling women to “be nicer” or “support each other more.” The real solution is dismantling the structures of scarcity, comparison, and patriarchy that forced them into rivalry.
Because at the end of the day, the real crabs in this story aren’t the women in the bucket.
They’re the ones who built the bucket to begin with.
By Dion Palandi — September 2, 2025
Footnote: This article was written by a liberal feminist man who supports gender equality. The perspective offered may be imperfect, biased, or mistaken, but it comes with the hope of sparking dialogue and reflection.
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